Creature of the Night

2am tiredness shakes. 8am meeting. No good reason to be up at this time. About to set my alarm - the worst part of every day, but this time at least feeling relieved that I'm about to get a 'reasonable' amount of sleep.


Find me a job where I can be my nocturnal self.

Running Towards My Goals

This isn't the first and won't be the last mention of running in what is supposed to be my 'career blog'. For some reason in my mind the two are completely intertwined. I do some of my best thinking about my career & life in general while I'm running; and I think about running,well, all the time really, but particularly when I need to be reminded of what I can accomplish or of how much I can c*ck up if I don't do things properly.

There are many parralels. They are both long term challenges, and in that way both benefit from steady, structured, incremental progress and defined goals. Both come with their critics (in terms of my ability or suitability to them), both test me to my limits and demand huge amounts of mental discipline, and yet both are rewarding enough to make it all worthwhile. They both teach me a lot about myself, and help me to grow, and - this is important - they both inspire in me a similar level of hunger and ambition.

A race training programme teaches me discipline and the value of practice and progress. Aches and injuries teach me to have restraint, and the strength it takes to start again and work towards revised (downward) goals. And every run is a journey in itself, with highs and lows to overcome - the achy bit at the beginning that you just have to push through, the 'yes I'm past halfway!' bit, the lovely little discoveries you can make when you turn a corner, the weather, the exhaustion, the dehydration, the exhilaration, the 'oh my god did I actually just run 10 miles?!' feelings of pride and accomplishment, etc. And so, like all good journeys, I leave each one knowing a little bit more about what I can achieve and how I can do better, and with lasting memories to call on when I need those reminders.

The strong connection I feel between running and my career journey is usually a good thing, with one often providing inspiration, clarity and direction for the other. But today, my shin splints are enough to throw me into a state of complete demoralisation about my life - a state from which, I'm sure, I'll emerge stronger and fighting. It's just so hard in the meantime to feel that everything is still so far out of my reach.

Distraction

I shouldn't be at work today. I'm in some crazy dreamy place where I'm tortured by internal forces that are too many in number, too opposing in nature and too powerful and overwhelming to allow me to concentrate on, say, firming up user requirements. Hope, love, disgust, frustration, fear, courage, forgiveness.

I think I'm in India.

My Prescription for Dropout Syndrome

Answering my cousin's blog post...

The dropout syndrome is apparently hereditary.

What do you do if you fear you are not a 20-year stint in same industry kinda person, but you are also too ambitious and broke and bored to start at the bottom again every time you change your mind?

Keep moving - preferably up as well as across, write a blog, try to recognise your own patterns, develop a lot of transferable skills, get really good at finding connections & middle ground between industries, stay in touch with all your interests while you're pursuing the chosen one of that time, take all the passion and energy and fear that comes from the jumps you make and use them to make progress quickly because time is the one thing your restlessness probably won't let you have.

And when your feet start itching again, as inevitably they will, wonder if you should push through that feeling and actually stick with something this time, know deep down that you just can't, take a deep breath, think 'here we go again' and hope for the best.

Daring to Dream

Sometimes I'm so scared about this career change stuff, and at other times nothing frightens me more than my own ambition.

I just listened to a speech by Muhammed Yunus, the founder of microfinance, as research for an article I'm writing. The more I look into the field of International Development, the more I am struck by the immense power behind simple ideas. The kind of ideas that seem outlandish or counterintuitive at the time - like lending money to the poor instead of giving it (microfinance), or teaching people how to make a rough rehydration solution with water, sugar & salt instead of providing them with those perfectly formulated little Dioralyte sachets (BRAC). The kind of ideas that create economies and end cholera epidemics and that, because of their simplicity, work and grow and last through generations.

This is going to sound terribly big-headed, but I see myself or my potential in some of those talks, articles & stories. I feel like I was given this brain and these talents and interests and personal qualities that, of course, need a whole load of fine-tuning, but that could actually one day be used to do something amazing...or at least, something that is amazing to me.

I know I have so much work to do, and so many weaknesses to overcome, and there will be plenty of posts about those, but right now I'm just enjoying the feeling that anything is possible if you dare to dream.