The Silver Lining of Realisation

Yesterday was a horrible day - easily the worst I've had in this job to date. Despite all my tough talk about detachment in recent posts, I had to bite my tongue to stifle tears in a team meeting. I was noticeably intimidated and upset throughout the day, and shaken to the point where I couldn't perform to my usual ability, even at simple tasks that come naturally to me e.g. being able to confidently run a meeting.

Emotional transparency is not highly regarded in the corporate world, and that facet of my personality is one of the reasons I'm perhaps not so suited to it (though I maintain that it is not impossible for 'someone like me' to achieve success even in this environment - for all its rigidity, this 'world' is just a collection of human beings).

Regardless of how it was perceived, I think that ultimately this reaction might be a good thing for me. Maybe the combined effects of my incessant slacking, some unfortunately timed politics and the frustrations, concerns and tempers of those around me have all culminated in one horrible mess that has at least shown me that I care about this job for more than just money. I care about people, and I care about what people think of me. It's not much, it's not particularly honourable, but it might just be enough to see me through these long long days of mundane legwork.